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Asian Parents
it starts, where it always seems to, with Aaron's forthright (if obscenity-strewn) screed: growing up. and i'm not exaggerating either, about the pg-13 language -- i counted 14 instances of the f word and derivatives of same. does give real oomph to the term venting, doesn't it?
Aaron's weblog entry on parents wasn't exactly unusual, to anyone who routinely reads his weblog. what was most interesting, however, was the response and reaction it provoked in other 'Azn' (or part-Asian) kids. let's cite the instances, in alphabetical order:
(note: i've included Ozzie and Spark in this list for a couple of reasons -- they ARE part-Asian, but more importantly, they've already been using the weblog medium for assorted and not-so-random kvetching about their parents, long before Aaron's latest fusillade.) i'm sure the above list is incomplete, as i may have missed other relevant weblogs, and i'm sure others may want to chime in as well. or not. regardless, let me add my voice to this issue.
 while i understand (and do encourage!) the value of venting in this medium, i think there's something crucial missing in here, and that's the voice and perspective of the parents themselves. to be sure, they definitely are NOT blameless, but they deserve to have their side aired as well and i'm trying to rectify this slightly, by writing about it now. and heaven knows you kids aren't entirely blameless either: this particular sword cuts two ways... it ain't no scimitar. there's also a very specific reason i bring this up as well -- it irritates me that the way Aaron presents his parents (and not just in his current weblog) is unredeemably negative. i know Aaron's dad and mom very well as, over the years they've become friends of mine; and, while they're certainly no saints, they're not the apparent devils he makes them out to be either. anger is one thing (we all have this fine emotion, from time to time), but gross generalization -- Asian parents f*%$ing suck (boldfaced, no less) -- is going too far. when there is no intellectual or psychological room for flexibility, compromise AND communication, what happens is both obvious, and pre-ordained: break-down. other students who've weblogged about this got it about right, using the tempering 'sometimes' (or other modifiers) in their assessments of their own 'sucky' parents.
okay... so now that i myself have vented i ought to un-hyperventilate. basically, part of me wants to play a role here, which is equal parts devil's advocate (pun definitely intended) and part surrogate parent. over the years that i've been mentoring teenagers, a non-trivial part of what i've been doing is precisely that: surrogate parenting, to one degree or another. it is often the case that the parents of a teenager do NOT listen to, much less HEAR, their child. and so it remains for another adult in that teenager's life to provide that function. i can't count the number of hours i've spent doing exactly that, for one kid or another. so i know what this venting and complaining REALLY is all about. i'm no stranger to it, either on my own account (in my distant teenage past), or that of my mentees and young friends.
so anyway, i'm not here to argue and split hairs about generalizations on parent-child relationships, since it's perfectly obvious that, by sheer definition, such generalizations are wrong. but the bottomline point i'm going to hammer home here is this:
venting is fine and all, but one has to come down to reason in this matter, if communication between one and one's parents is a good that should be striven for. if you don't really care about communicating with your parents, then fine... you can yell out the window all you like, and write it all up in no-holds-barred scatological prose in your weblog. ultimately, that's just not productive. the point i'm hammering home in this weblog is nothing less than the value of communication between you and your parents, cliched as that might sound. because, in the heat of battle, kids -- and parents -- often forget it, and things bog down, or worse.
well, i've spent the bulk of this morning writing this weblog (as well as having interesting, meta-conversations regarding this issue with Quad and Ozzie, who happened to be online as i wrote). this has been far more interesting than writing my evaluations, but i've gotta go and do that now. also, Luis is coming for lunch soon. (speaking of whom, in my mind, he probably has the ideal teen-parent relationship, lucky him. ask him about it if you're interested.)
p.s.:
and yes, Ozzie, i detest the 'azn' locution too... it's just faster to type, haha. plus, it's a word meme now anyway.
p.p.s.:
Tom F. (and other interested parties), i had to defer Part 2 of the SF mini-Wanderjahr as i felt i needed to respond to this issue while it was hopping.
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