[Friday] Kass flipping for Lloyd. ^.^

Even for those you know and love well -- or indeed specially for them -- leavetaking is always a strange and unsettling thing. The reason isn't a mystery: there is the feeling of not wanting to go, and yet the necessity of having to. Frankly, I'm not talking about myself here, but something I've seen in some people I've said goodbye to over the last week or so. My nomadic lifestyle of the last few years has inured me to the feeling of awkwardness, and I can say goodbye with genuine affection, and the belief that it really isn't goodbye for good. Sure, there's still the feeling of some loss, but I'm kinda used to it now, as things do balance out in the end. But when I feel the strangeness coming from someone I'm saying farewell to, it all comes rushing back and I recognize it for what it is: the simple human needs to stay, and to go. One can see life itself as being made up of the tension between these needs, the vibrating strings that cause music and noise, irreparable harm and singular wholeness.

Funny. I'm having difficulty specifying exactly what (or, more precisely, who) I mean here. *chuckle* This is because this might reveal stuff that doesn't need revealing... well, at least not yet. Suffice it to say that I've been both casually and intensely observing the dynamics of letting-go, hereabouts. Some people don't think I'm really looking, or at least stepping back and seeing the bigger image. ;-)

It's 3:24 in the morning of Saturday. And today (well, yesterday) was an unusual day, to say the least; it was my last in Berkeley, and it was filled with last-minute work and visits. Spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon tying up loose ends for the ATDP summer 2001 brochure project, and mailing off various items of interest to various people (including a huge stack of printed-out journals from TIC last summer, as part of a book project with Prof. Sosniak and Dr. Gabelko). Then, later in the p.m. my cousin Aaron came by and we hung out for a while in the office, as he showed me and Laura the Powerpoint presentation on modern marlin fishing that he had worked so hard on. After saying goodbye to Nina, Carrie and Laura, Aaron and I went to have Indian food in downtown Berkeley (he had never had that cuisine before). Then, the rest of the evening was given over to playing at Castro Valley's Golfland (well, watching for me) with Quad, Kass and Sparky.

Strange. I can't think straight. Oh yeah. I'm not used to being up this late. Why am I up this late? Well, I called my bro around 11:30, after I'd gotten back to Tolman Hall from CV and told him I really had several hours worth more of last last-minute stuff I needed to do... Friday evening's spontaneous get-together threw a nice wrench into my schedule, but I didn't mind it at all. So, I have to square away all the files and docs and apps that I'll need on my iBook. Have to backup and expunge all my personal files (e-mail, journal notes, amazon.com cookies and the like) from my main G4 Mac. With all that not-quite-finished work to do, I asked my bro if he could just come and pick me up early Saturday morning and we'd have breakfast before my flight (Aloha Airlines, direct from Oakland to Kahului at 9:20 a.m.). He was cool with it, so here I am now, babbling lethargically, sorta killing time, sorta napping, vaguely sure that I'll be forgetting to do something crucial. Oh well, cessed lagh veee.

Wasn't this an awkward weblog? Yeah. It feels strange to have written such a thing. With my head shrouded in the oddest cottony feeling. At least Nik (and Sparky, until 3:30) stayed up to watch me make a spectacle of myself online.

goodbye weblogs (that i know about):

• Jorge
• Kass
• Quad
• Laura
• Kati
• Alejo
• Giancarlo ... who, as usual, puts things in the starkest, edgiest of ways. but these 40-year old eyes still have a hard time reading that darned lightblue font on white bgcolor. ;-)

...read this astonishingly poetic prose weblog that Cole wrote.

{ net.casting }
^